


The Struggle That Is Falling

by asrundream



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid Character, Genderqueer, Other, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-29 03:22:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3880351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asrundream/pseuds/asrundream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen and a genderqueer Inquisitor develop feelings for one another.</p>
<p>This story explores what it's like to fall in love with someone who falls outside the gender binary - and what it's like for that someone to fall in love in return.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> I'm playing a AFAB genderqueer Inquisitor, and wanted to write a story about their relationship with Cullen. I'll primarily use "they" to refer to the Inquisitor, though I may also use "she." I'm genderqueer myself, so this story will be written with my impression of what that means in mind. Please don't take offense if the way I write my Inquisitor isn't exactly in line with the way you experience gender yourself. Everyone is a little different. :) That said, I'm not particularly active in the LGBT+ community, so if anything I say is overtly incorrect or insulting, please let me know.
> 
> I will try to stick as close to canon as possible, but I'm not going to look for transcriptions or videos of every single conversation between the Inquisitor and Cullen.
> 
> This is my first multi-part fic *ever*, so I'll probably rewrite parts as I go. I hope you'll bear with me as I learn!
> 
> Rating is for later chapters.

Cullen was deep in thought when Cassandra's voice broke his concentration.

"If you can take one moment from planning troop movements," she was saying, clearly irritated. "I'd like to introduce you to our Herald. Commander Cullen, I believe you've already met the Herald, though not formally. Herald, this is the Commander of the Inquisition."

Cullen looked up from his preparations at the war table to the figure standing before him. The Herald of Andraste, people were saying. Of course he'd seen them before, unconscious and under guard. He'd expected them to be violent, perhaps, or some blind fool. But the bright, intelligent eyes looking back at him gave a very different impression from what he was expecting - if anything, they were calmly sizing him up every bit as much as he was them.

Cullen realized he hadn't been told if the Herald was male or female. He looked them over, checking for any characteristics that would help. Perhaps male - the short, pale blond hair was shaved close on the sides and styled longer on top in an almost undeniably male, if somewhat unique, cut. The stubborn set to the Herald's jaw and the defiant posture, too, suggested male. An old scar bisecting one eyebrow and another slightly marring the Dalish tattoo on one cheek showed that they had been in their share of fights. Cullen briefly berated himself for considering that a masculine trait - if Cassandra could hear his thoughts... But perhaps, again, the Herald was female - long lashes, a full, slightly pouting mouth, a cant to one hip. He glanced at the Herald's chest, feeling like a teenage boy, and saw that it was flat. With a sudden awkward jolt, he realized he was staring, and he still had no clue as to their gender.

He held out a hand.

"Yes, we hadn't been formally introduced. Pleasure to meet you, Herald."

The Herald took his hand in a firm, but tentative grip, and sighed.

"I wish everyone would stop calling me that. I'm not even Andrastian. Mitra, of Clan Lavellan."

Cullen groaned inwardly as they shook hands and released. The voice was nearly neutral, with a slight feminine lilt that could've also been that of a young male. It didn't help him in the slightest.

"Your accent, it's not Fereldan."

"No. My clan is from the Free Marches."

"I thought so. I spent several years in Kirkwall."

"That's nice" was the only reply. Cullen turned back to the war table, kicking himself for being socially inept, and having no idea what else to say.

"If you'll excuse us," Cassandra cut in. "We have matters to attend to."

"Of course," Cullen replied, a little grateful for the out. "I am glad to have met you, Herald."

"My _name_ is Mitra Lavellan," they huffed, annoyed.

"Yes. ...Lavellan. My apologies."

The Herald - Lavellan - turned on their heel and left the room. Cullen watched them go; noted a slight sway to their hips.

"Cassandra, ah-"

She turned on him with a disapproving noise and a crease between her brows.

"Is it particularly important, Commander? You have work to attend to."

He cleared his throat, thinking for a moment how _she'd_ interrupted _him_. "It's. No. Apologies, Seeker. Another time."

"Probably a woman," he thought as Cassandra left. One part of his brain was happy to come to that conclusion. Another didn't see why it mattered. Yet another was giggling like a schoolboy. He returned to his planning, drowning out any thoughts of the Herald. Most of them, anyway.


	2. Pronouns?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience as I learn how to write chapters. :3
> 
> This chapter starts to get into the actual GQ bits, Cullen's confusion, and how the Inquisitor represents themself.

Cullen wound up not needing to ask Cassandra an awkward question after all. He realized, with a quiet groan, that he could figure things out just by listening to what other people called the Herald. People were calling her "she," and that was that. The Herald was clearly female, and he could stop worrying about it.

He happily referred to the Herald as "Lady Lavellan" after she snapped at him a few more times for saying Herald. And if she still frowned at "Lady Lavellan," Cullen hardly noticed. He did notice, however, the day she showed up at the war table in a new set of unusually form-fitting armor, with bright red lips and smoky black around her eyes that made them almost glow. And he noticed even more later that same day, when she sauntered over to him on the makeshift training ground and asked him if he'd taken a vow of celibacy, smirking all the while. Definitely, _absolutely_ female, he thought, loosening his collar and wondering how he'd ever had any doubt.

His conviction lasted all of six weeks.

One day she'd returned from the Storm Coast with an enormous, half-naked Qunari and a band of mercenaries in tow. Odd enough in itself, though Cullen was quickly learning that odd was the new status quo. But a few weeks after they arrived, Cullen realized what the nagging thought at the back of his mind was, and the reason the mercenary group had been bothering him - every last one of them, the Qunari included, was referring to the Herald as "they." It had taken him time to realize, because "they" wasn't what you called one person. It was "she" or "he," or if you wanted to get particularly demeaning about things, "it."

They? They. Who in the bloody hell says they about one person?

Then the next week she went out on a day trip to gather herbs, with sharp cheekbones and slicked-back hair and _Maker_ a bulge in her pants, and Cullen thought maybe he was losing his mind.

He switched back to saying "Herald."


End file.
